scrapes are like doodles on your fragile frame.
a reminder of your dust-like existence,
here today and gone tomorrow.
Why don't you believe in "the one?"
Because I don’t believe that love is a matter of destiny, but a matter of choice. Love, as define according to Jesus and the scripture, is a matter of self-sacrifice. Many times, people who believe in “the one” are waiting to “find” love or “stumble upon” it. But that denies the very nature of love. Love isn’t a discovery, it’s a commitment.
"The one" for me will be the one with whom I make a covenant for life. And I’ll be "the one" for her. But I’m not looking for "the one". I’m working on being a man who can become “the one” for someone else—being someone who can truly live self-sacrificially, like Christ did for the Church.
you know you’re weak when curling 10lbs for 3 sets gets you pooped.
so proud of her. look at my best friend. admire her cuteness.
scrapes are like doodles on your fragile frame.
it’s funny, to think of it now
on the rainy day when I met you on the sidewalk,
that the only reason you fell was to kiss the cracks
and not because cement has some vendetta against nike high tops.
life seemed really simple when I was in my early teens.
but in reality, I was failing almost all my classes. disrespectful to my family, and didn’t care about them. I had no priorities except doing the things I liked. I would have brief moments of wanting to be better, but then not put them to use, and just do whatever I wanted instead. I was a slave to attention and drugs. out of touch with reality. spiritually dead, I think. maybe even a little crazy. I was the girl who made her nose bleed at parties and fed it to people that attended. actually yeah, that was crazy. it’s almost like I didn’t comprehend how inappropriate certain things were, in a way. or I didn’t care.
seeing photos from that time causes me to feel so much regret. I was such an idiot! I spent so many years doing crappy things and being a selfish jerk. I’ve changed, but I was so unstable, and I wonder what I would have been like if I were stable. if I were actually doing my homework and respecting my mother. if I were actually obedient and had goals. what would I be like now?
but that’s only hypothetical. I can never go back and change the past. it happened, and now I have to move on.
but now that I am more stable, and God has saved me (praise Him), and I have more of a sense of direction and goals, what am I going to do with my life? I don’t wanna waste it, I don’t wanna waste it.
peanut: *dumps out shoe* look at all this sand. I brought the park with me.
peanut: ew, it smells gross out here. like a bonfire, but like someone tooted on a bonfire.
peanut: there's a dude behind you.
me: *turns around* there is a dude behind me!
this evening was one of the best in quite a long time. I finally got to meet Shawn’s wife. she’s so lovely. we ate dinner with the kids outside, and we drew pictures while sitting on the floor. we talked about some deep stuff. they said many encouraging things to me. they told me their story and showed me some photos of theirs. spending time with them this evening, and seeing their love for each other and realness and creativity and investment, it’s woken up something in my brain. or my heart. maybe a bit of both. I feel inspired and encouraged by their love for each other, and by their fabulous personalities. they aren’t afraid to be themselves. they invest in things. they invest in each other. it’s truly a beautiful thing to see. it touches my heart, knowing they’re really in love. even after ten years. they told me it’s because they choose it, they choose to make it work. and Jesus is their foundation. wow. it’s so beautiful. God bless them.
I think my relationship to Shawn is getting past the point where he is ‘a pastor who I hang out with’, and now more like ‘my friend who is a pastor.’ I really enjoy the Birss family, and Shawn is great company. I will look forward to many more times with them.
they are going on a trip this week and have asked me (I am so honoured) to watch the house and the cat, to which I said “YES!” perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. in the coming days I will be likely posting photos of said cat adventures. I am the designated cat guardian. how fantastic.
Your boyfriend is so skinny and scrawny I mean no offense he has a cute face but how do you find him so attractive?
You’re absolutely right, friend :) He is skinny and maybe even a bit scrawny.
Have you ever heard of Ulcerative Colitis? It’s a horrible, horrible condition that affects the large intestine. Imagine having your large intestine full of mouth sores. Now imagine that the sores grow and grow and inflame and clog up your intestine so that you can’t even digest properly so now you’re not getting the nutrients you need from the food and you’re bleeding internally. Sounds awful right? Now imagine being absolutely healthy and fit and strong and handsome one week, then losing 25 pounds in 4 days and not knowing why. Then going to the doctor and having him give you medication that doesn’t work because he didn’t diagnose you properly. So now it gets worse and worse and you can’t eat anything because it hurts too much and you can’t control your bowel movements and you go to another doctor and he tells you to go straight to the hospital because you’re dying. You have a week to live. You’re now being given the medication that cancer patients are given. But you can’t die. You’re only 18 and it’s your senior year and you’re captain of the soccer team and you’re a successful manager at Chick-Fil-A and you’re smitten by this girl who (you believe) hasn’t noticed you yet (That’s me! hehe). But you have to let go. You have to understand, so you lay your life before God and you cry a lot but you know that His plan is ultimately better and you spend your seemingly last days in prayer and you’re not scared. And all of a sudden, slowly, the pain starts to go away. You start feeling better. You’re cheeks fill in and your skin gets its golden color back and you start to feel stronger. You start to move without shaking and then standing, and then walking. You’re healing little by little! Although you can hardly eat anything you used to, like meat or dairy or gluten, you can slowly get back to a normal state. You’ll have to sacrifice some things you loved, like working out often, playing sports and doing too many active things because you’re still sick and you always will be, but you’re alive. And you’re even more alive than you were before because life is so valuable to you now. Lucky for you this is only imagination. This is Gabriel’s life. And I praise God every day for him because He knew how happy this boy makes so many people, even me who wasn’t a part of his life yet.
So yeah, he might be a little skinny for your taste, but I look at his weight like a scar. It might stay with him forever, who knows. He might regain his muscularity one day but I love him exactly the way he is. Because his emotional and spiritual strength are so powerful. He is like my rock. And there is so much grace and love and wisdom and strength inside his soul that I never worry about his body. And it is strong, by the way, don’t let me fool you, he can do things that some very healthy men can’t even do. He is stronger than any other boy I’ve ever met, only in every way. And I am so happy and so grateful that I have the privilege of being his best friend. That I can hold his strong hands and rest in his strong arms. It’s been 3 years since his first encounter with Colitis, and it surely won’t be his last. But it’s a constant, daily struggle of watching his diet and activity and praying and rejoicing and loving. My boy is a trooper and I am forever grateful that he’s mine.
have you ever been offended in a good way?
I just was, while scrolling through Cassie’s tags and saw that she said “bry’s spirit animal is a pickle”.